So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
