i need an iv and a liver transplant
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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