I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I checked into jail on foursquare
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
