Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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