the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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