I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Too much gin, very little bucket
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
