Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
