Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I understand Curling. That high.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
