And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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