Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
