i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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