And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
