Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
