I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
