i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
