so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
