Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
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