He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
