this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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