I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Swine flu is the new snow day.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
