Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
