Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
