Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
