I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
