I want to walk on stilts...naked
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
