Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
