doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
