i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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