I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
