Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
