I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
