Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
