Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
