Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
