i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
