They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
