Apparently you make a good broom.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
