Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
