i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
