Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
