Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize