Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
