three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
