i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
