My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
