chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
