I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
