lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
