i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
