dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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