well I can't set my house on fire every night
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
