her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
