dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
