not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
