you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
