Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
